The End.
2013 December 3, 2:51 am
Filed under: Bloggy McBloggerson

I realize that a “year wrap up” post is not expected the first week of December, but I’m writing one anyway. You’ll see why shortly. This post is kind of a big deal.

2013 was the worst year I’ve ever lived through and I am thrilled it is finally on it’s way out the door; which is not to say there weren’t some wonderful moments and fabulous friends, there was just a LOT of really impossible people and situations. I truly hope 2014 steps up its game.

I turned 30 this year, a milestone which has hardly phased me. A few weeks ago I found a photo taken a month after I graduated from high school and…I look exactly the same. I’m older and wiser and see much more ugliness and more beauty in the world around me, but my face has not changed in 12 years. I guess this next decade is where the years of careful sunscreen application will really pay off.

I had more medical issues this year than I’ve had in the last 5 combined. I have nerve damage on the entire left side of my body, I have cysts on my ovaries that explode, and I took an airbag to the face.

I am both skinnier and poorer than I was a year ago, my standing blood pressure is probably double what it was in January.

I went to one funeral, an almost college grad with more passion and soul than most. I still think about him.

One dear friend had a beautiful baby girl who I have spent several hours snuggling in the last month.

I have read 67 books so far (will probably finish another 3 or 4 before the New Year rolls around), spent my time with my camera, with a paintbrush, and puttering around in the kitchen. I wish I had written more.

J-Mo still works in Nevada, this is almost 3 years running now. I see him weekends and that’s all. When everything else in our lives is going well it’s a difficult situation, this year it has been hell. He is the kindest man I have ever met, and I am forever grateful and blessed that we found each other.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of many things: of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—of cabbages—and kings—and why the sea is boiling hot—and whether pigs have wings.”

For the last seven and a half years I have shared so many thoughts and stories, hopes and frustrations, silly bits of drivel and very serious struggles and circumstances. I can hardly describe how hard it is to say goodbye. But this is goodbye. This is my last post here at heidikins.com. This has been a long time coming, I am no longer free to write the way I want to or the way I need to. I don’t want to go private, so I am killing my darling blog. I have been closing up and locking down various pieces for several months, in a few days she will be gone completely. I am so grateful for this little piece of the internet because through it I met all of you. You started out as IP addresses and many have become very dear friends. I will still be reading and commenting on your blogs, but this site will no longer be my home base.

Am I done on the internet completely? No. I will be posting fairly regularly over at heidikins cooks, but there will not be anything about my life outside of my kitchen experiments. I hope you add me to your feed reader and come say hello every once in a while.

Am I sad? Yes.

Am I angry? Not anymore. I have spent many an hour spouting off (in my head, to a friend, into a word doc) all the reasons this is unfair and the situation I find myself in completely absurd. Many, many swears have been uttered.

Will I come back? Maybe, but not for at least a decade. I may think about it once both my stepkids are 18. (You can go ahead and read between those lines, then take whatever assumption you have formed and multiply it by whatever number makes it a thousand times worse than you could possibly imagine.)

You can go ahead and delete me from your feed reader.


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